Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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