well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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