We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
