It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
