I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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