On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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