i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
