just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
