Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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