Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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