Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
