The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
