Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
bring money and cleavage
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
