you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
