1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
