ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
