Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
