Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
