True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
