so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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