Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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