Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
