if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
