i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
