Don't make out with my wife yet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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