that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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