Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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