My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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