he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
