i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
