I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
