and you said cock pushups were impossible
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
