i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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