i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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