Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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