NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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