In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
