the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
