Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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