shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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