Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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