Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
