So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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