My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
