At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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