Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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