Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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