I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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