i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
