I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
