If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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