Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
