This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and she was petting her beer can
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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