I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
