fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
