Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
