Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
