I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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