sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
