Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
