walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
