Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
