I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
