can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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