If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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