Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
