Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
